The Good, The Bad, and the WTF

Many great happy, weird, and just outright ridiculous things happen in my day-to-day job at the library. Here is a list of just the few crazy happenings:

1. "Hello Girls." The Summer Reading Program is probably the greatest part of the library and also the worst time for moody librarians. The only thing that can make it great is the cute little children that visit the library to sign-up. Three cute little girls came in with their mom the other day and all signed for the SRP (this is cool library lingo for Summer Reading Program). As the left I say "Good-bye Girls!" The youngest, about four, responds, "Good-bye Girls," then quickly looks at me and corrects herself "Good-bye Boys." Mom laughs, I laugh, and little girl turns bright read. Below is my library display for the SRP:



2. "Wii bit Tired." If you are a devoted follower of this blog you have already heard about the Rodeo. Well, this was the second year for the Rodeo with one slight problem IT WAS RAINING BULLS AND SHEEP (please excuse the Rodeo reference). All in all we drove out to the Rodeo, in a storm because according to the new "It would pass in the next 15 minutes," WRONG! So it rained the Rodeo was cancelled and we were un-happy. How does one make Children/Teen Librarians happy? With two hours of Wii playing. See, we now have Wiis and a new one was purchased. Of course, we couldn't let others use it with checking to see if it works first, duh! So the after the Rodeo our afternoon consisted of Wii Sports, Mario Party, and Wii loads of fun.

3. "Bear Are Cute, Right?" We are in the 21st Century, you think most people would know how the heck to click a computer mouse and surf the net. Well, let me just give you an update THEY DON'T. I don't know how many time I have taught a mini computer class to dumb people that come in wanting to look up something or get something from the computer, WITHOUT KNOWING HOW TO USE ONE!!!" Not only this, but they don't even know the correct lingo. I mean everyone knows what a website, mouse, web page, Internet, and icon is RIGHT? Again, WRONG! Anyway, now that I have let out most of my computer-help frustrations lets get to the point of this story. One creepy weird and quite hairy (yes, earlobe hair included) man comes in with a sheet of paper with a website written on it. I look at it and is reads drillerbears. Okay I think to myself this will consist of me logging him in and directing him to this website. WRONG! It ends up that this website it a gay website that is all about bears, yes, bears. No, not cute cuddly bear (well, this depends on what you are into) BIG HAIRY GAY MEN BEARS. First of all, I don't know why this website isn't blocked, second, why is he wanting to go to it. EEEW, double eeew, gross! I help him get to the website and then he has no idea what to do. I show him how to click stuff (again, he has no idea how to use a mouse), tell him what an icon is, and have him look at the screen. The torture doesn't end there he continue to ask me question about this website for his entire hour on the computer. I almost died of frustration because he didn't know what to do on the website, he didn't know what a computer was, and finally it was the weirdest website ever.

This is getting rather long, so it will be continued in another blog post. Stay tuned...

CARDBOARD PLEASE

So... two really drunk guys came in and asked me for cardboard. I proceeded to tell them that I didn't have any... "Sorry about that." "You don't have to say sorry about anything!" says one drunk guys as we nods his finger and gives me a weird look. Then I became really sad thinking about what they needed the cardboard for.

 

Drunk Weekend

Crazy days happen all the time, but they don't always involve drunk people. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against a little drinking, but when it gets to the point where you look creepy and freak-out librarians, I begin to wonder.

The day started off okay, just the normal opening procedures: turn on the copier, check the drop box, check-in books, answer the phone, call a cab for a drunk and scary man...

Wait, that last item on the list isn't a standard library procedure, but it did happen. While sitting at the desk a middle-aged, really drunk, grunting, and looking crazy man approaches the desk. I look at him and immediately think to myself, WHY ME! I proceed with my smile and my "Hi, something I can help you with?" "TAXI!" he says along with the violent grunts, deep breathing, and angry face. "Okay, do you know the number of the cab you want to call?" Wrong choice of question, he looks around (rather confused about what I just said), "no."

At this point I am freaking out because it looks like this man is going to reach across the desk and strangle me. I calmly (by calmly I mean basically running), get the phone book and dial the number of the first ad I see. Yellow Taxi-Cab.

"Yellow Taxi Cab, how can I help"
"Yes, I would like a cab for someone"
"Where are you going?" I turn to the man and ask, again, he looks a me in the im-gonna-kill-you stare and says "East!" East what the heck does that mean, it that a direction, and hotel, a what! I tell the lady on the phone "21 and Garnett area." That is pretty east to me.
"For whom, what's the name?" WHY THE HECK ARE YOU ASKING SO MANY F-ing questions. I turn to scary man and ask, "Whats you name sir?" "SJFDKJFOIRENBV." He mumbles some name that I don't understand and I have to ask a second time. "JOSE," he yelled.

Finally, I hang up and tell him to wait outside for the taxi. He stumbles out the door and kicks it open. I look over to my co-worker, "this ain't gonna be good. Should we call the police?" "I think he will stay outside, let's just wait a while he wont come back." Yell hopeful thinking...

But come back he did and this time is was even more frightening. He just looks at me and says "TAXI?" Being the dummy I am I ask the dumbest question in the world "It hasn't come yet?" Well. obviously not. shit! I go to the back room to try and get myself together. I tell him to go back outside and I will call again. I don't call again. Okay, that should be the last of that I think to myself. NOPE! He comes back and this time screams and grunts at us "TAXI!!" We tell him that we will call again and he kicks the door again and leaves.

I pick up the phone and this time dial the police. They come and tell him he can't come back into the library. Problem solved, right? Well, yeah but the rest of the day I kept watching the door because I thought he was coming back to kill me for calling the cops. Sheesh, I almost had a heart attack.

YeeHaw Buddy

Cowboys, horses, and ropes are all common things seen at the Rodeo, but what about the Library? You don't usually put on your boots and handkerchief and think "Just can't wait to see the library mascot at the rodeo t'day pa!"

In this case, little Johnny Hopkins would say that and actually be telling the truth. One summer, as the Summer Reading Program was in full swing the Library was asked to join all the hootin and hollarin at the Rodeo. Little did I know that I would get to be Buddy, the most awesome-est library mascot you have ever seen.

Little did I know that my glasses wouldn't fit inside the mascot head piece. Let it be known that I can barely see my hand in front of my face without glasses. So there I was blind-as-a-bookworm traveling up slopes and dodging horse dung in a bright green mascot outfit of a worm! The best part was yet to come. Buddy was asked to participate in the DANCE CONTEST with the kids. There is nothing like a bookworm dancing to Soulja Boy to get the Rodeo started. The only problem was that I decided to wear black shorts over the green tights the costume required, bad idea! As the break dancing continued and lots of wiggling and waddling buddy's underwear (black shorts) were showing! I didn't realize at the time why all the adults kept laughing at me. Yikes, what a naughty little worm to be showing his delegates in a crowd of little kids. Well the dance competition ended and it was off to the tattoo table.

Kids ask too many questions! What are you? (a bookworm. duh!). What's your name? (Buddy, Hello its only posted on the back of my shirt). Can you talk? (obviously not, cause I'm just nodding!). How old are you? (I'm NOT real)GIVE ME FIVE, GIVE ME A HUG, I LOVE BUDDY, how much more could I take. Not to mention the pulling my bottom half (worms don't really have tails), punching, and heat. Then danger struck again. My bosses thought it was a good idea for buddy to wear and over sized red cowboy hat. Not a good idea, it didn't fit on Buddy's head and was hung off my back. We have already established the Buddy doesn't talk... So, what does one do when the over sized hat is choking the actual person inside the suit? Scream? NO! Die? Possible? Tap boss on shoulder? Is ignored! In the end the international sign of choking works and Buddy is free of the hat. Whew, I though I was going to die.

After the long day of being a bookworm it was back to the desk and my outstanding performance lead to many more Buddy appearances. They are always enjoyable, except when you make babies cry. Well, I guess that is enjoyable too. No. No.

Tie-DIE!

NOTE: Before you begin reading this blog please note that I am aware that Tie-Dye is spelled d-y-e and not DIE, but this is significant to the blog so please read to the end.

Over my four years of working at the library I have encountered many library families with very strange, but cool obsessions. A very important one to mention is the family in which all of the members looked alike. I guess this would be okay if... Let's say the father was Brad Pitt, but no. Plus, what daughter wants to look like their father anyway?

Well, this particular family all looked like their father a short, stout, really tan (more than average Latin American tan), curly short hair, I would say this man was a combination between George Lopez and Shirley Temple. Cute, no? NO! Although this is all really insulting it really has nothing to do with the story (just me being a jerk). The important part about this family of look-a-likes is that they were OBSESSED with Tie-Dye stuff. They ordered all the tie-die books the library owned, wore tie-dye everyday, and talked about all their tie-dye projects they enjoyed doing. TIE DYE TIE DYE TIE DYE!

We always talked about tie-dye and although I can't say that I hate tie-dye I also don't ever wear it or think it is the most attractive type of apparel, unless of course you are a big big hippie or clown. Throughout our conversations about the cool new tie-dye bags, new shirts, tie-dye pants, and amazing tie-dye projects his kids were completing I always managed to appear interested. Until, the one day where he ask, "Te gusta tie-dye?" Freaking out about the question because I thought if I said "yes!" it would lead to more conversations about the types of tie-dye I liked, my first tie-dye shirt, tie-dye candy, or even worst would result in a tie-dye jump suit as a gift in the future, I responded " no." Just a simple "no" what harm could that do? right?

Well, harm it DID do! He immediately stopped talking to me about tie-dye, never mentioned tie-dye ever again and I never see them come to the library again. Then end... They hate me now because I don't like TIE-DYE! Thus, the title of the blog is now explained, this was a total Tie-DIE moment for me because it was the Tie-Death of my tie-dye ness.

Homeless Emergency

I don't really freak out anymore when a homeless person walks into the library. Seems like an everyday occurrence to kick someone out for sleeping, being drunk, or just plain crazy. We have our regulars like Red, Marty, and this other really weird man that I am afraid of. He usually comes in and acts really normal, if carrying around a teddy bear and talking to it is normal. Now to get to the point of things sometimes our homeless men decide they should pull the fire alarm, TWICE! IN A ROW! This happen the other day and it totally freaked me out.



Just shelving books in the stacks and wondering why we had books on learning to wrestle in the library all of the sudden I heard the piercing and annoying sounds of the fire alarm along with bright lights flashing and blinding me. I turn to the circulation desk to see my manager freaking out, but hurrying to silence the alarm. This happen again in about three minutes.



The worst part about this occurrence was what happened afterwards. First, the fire department didn't come, but our alarm went nuts cause it kept beeping (three beeps) every time any door in the library was opened. Rosy decided that it was too annoying to stand for a whole day and created a "muffler" for the alarm. I put muffler in quotes cause it wasn't a muffler it was a fake bomb-looking cover made of masking tape, paper, and rags. Probably one of the scariest things to see when you walk it and here this "bomb" beeping. Please view the picture below:
Need I say more...

Diego the Clown

"Would you like to work at the library?" Ask my librarian friend when I was 16. "Hmmm," I thought to myself, "I do love books and libraries and I need a job, OKAY!" And so the adventure began in 2005 and I haven't left since. The other day while talking to my manager she had a great idea, to start writing down all my wonderful adventures. So here is goes.

Clowns, scary right? Well, not for my little 5 year-old-friends Diego that always comes into the libray with his two older brothers. There is Enrique who is probably the most annoying of the three (I think its because he is the middle child) and Juan who is the older brother that is always doing homework. Diego is probably one of the cutest little hispanic kiddos you may meet. Now will follow a conversion with Diego that will explain the title of this blog:

C: Hey Diego, did you have a good day at school
D: No, I don't like going to school, but sometimes Ms Moore lets us listen to soulja boy. Carlos!
C: Yes Diego?
D: I got a cool new pool this weekend
C: Awesome. did you swim in it all weekend and jump in it.
D: No, silly it is kinda small but I did see a clown in the pool
C: (these are internal thoughts) Holy Mole, why is this kid not freaking out about this right now! If I was a 5 year-old and saw a clown I would be scared for life. "Thats cool, what did the clown do?"
D: Nothing I just saw him once and then I didn't see him.
At this point of the story it is Diego's turn to use the library computer and the conversation ends. Then I turn to Jesse (Co-Worker) and tell him the story. We laugh the rest of our lives about it and then change Diego's patron record to "Diego the Clown."