So... I have run into many wonderful young ladies at the library that could possibly be great candidates for the always delightful title: BITCH! But this blog definitely involves a SUPER bitch! Here is goes:
7:55pm, just FIVE! minutes! before! the! library! closes! (exclamation points may be abused in this blog)! There is a lady in the back just browsing the shelves like she has no worry in the world (this would be when I label her as just bitch), even though I gave an announcement like 20 seconds ago that went something like this:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, The Library will be closing in about 5 minutes. If you will please wrap-up your work on the computers and IF YOU HAVE ANY ITEMS TO CHECK OUT PLEASE BRING! THEM! UP! TO! THE! DESK! NOW!!!."
She looks at me nonchalantly and then turns back around to look for more books. At this point you may be thinking, geez señor settle down, maybe she just came in last minute and decided to browse the shelves really quickly. Trust me, if that were the case, this posting wouldn't exist. She had been browsing the shelves for about 40 minutes already and our collection isn't that big!.
8:00pm, I make the final announcement that we are now closed and to bring your items up to the desk. Everyone leave the library except one patron (guess who?)! I turn off the light in the back. the lights just went off, hmmm. What does that mean? Time to go, surely not. I guess I will just browse the shelves in the dark...
8:02pm!!!! Shit lady we are CLOSED. These of course aren't the words that come out of my mouth when I go back to the stacks and let her know that we are CLOSED and that if she wants to check out a book she needs to do it now. I stand there until she proceeds to walk towards the circulation desk. I follow...
8:05pm, FINALLY! I'm checking out her books as fast as possible cause I wanna go home. This SUPER BITCH, decides that I should be super friendly to her when she begins to ask me reference question such as: I need to look up an article, where should I go. TO HELL, I mean no ma'am you can just use our databases, here is a list. Your books are due back in two week, please never come back to the library, EVER.
8:09pm, Steps out to the lobby. I check the bathrooms to make sure no one is there. Guess who is still in the lobby, yup SUPER BITCH! I give her a second before I tell her, AGAIN! "Ma'am, I'm sorry but we are closed. "Yes, I know (roll of the eyes) but I just need to write down this number... (My head is about to explode!)
8:12pm. She finally walks out the door and leaves? Yea right, nope! She holds the door open as she reads the four event signs posted on the door.
8:14pm -- SHE'S GONE! I whisper to my co-worker, What a bitch, we laugh...
scene...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Top 10 Ways to know you have worked in a public library too long!
1. You start to hate small children (I didn't think this was possible, but it is. Especially children who have parents who think a two-year-old can behave on their own, unattended!)
2. Weird things starts to seem regular. example: the smell of urine, eew!
3. You keep track of books old ladies read and sometimes get asked: "Carlos, have I read this." To which I respond with uber confidence, "Yes Ms. Simmons, you are up to date on your James Patterson"
4. You check-out too many books (which I usually don't read) and then don't really worry about bringing them back because you don't get library fines.
5. When people ask you for the DIRTAY BOOKS you know exactly what they are talking about and where they are located. examples: Desperate Hoodwives, Mo' Money, and Marry Your Baby Daddy.
6. Most of your conversations are about books, library patrons, or other library related things. (If you are my friend or have talked to me you probably already knew this)
7. You find yourself saying more than ten times a day "I hate that person and want to kill them!"
8. You can sense bitchy people and can automatically prepare yourself for some nagging without having to punch a pillow.
9. Small children pretend you are an alien when they see you at the store and whisper to their parents, "Mom, there's the library man."
10. You start a blog about your life at work because so many freaking crazy things go on.
2. Weird things starts to seem regular. example: the smell of urine, eew!
3. You keep track of books old ladies read and sometimes get asked: "Carlos, have I read this." To which I respond with uber confidence, "Yes Ms. Simmons, you are up to date on your James Patterson"
4. You check-out too many books (which I usually don't read) and then don't really worry about bringing them back because you don't get library fines.
5. When people ask you for the DIRTAY BOOKS you know exactly what they are talking about and where they are located. examples: Desperate Hoodwives, Mo' Money, and Marry Your Baby Daddy.
6. Most of your conversations are about books, library patrons, or other library related things. (If you are my friend or have talked to me you probably already knew this)
7. You find yourself saying more than ten times a day "I hate that person and want to kill them!"
8. You can sense bitchy people and can automatically prepare yourself for some nagging without having to punch a pillow.
9. Small children pretend you are an alien when they see you at the store and whisper to their parents, "Mom, there's the library man."
10. You start a blog about your life at work because so many freaking crazy things go on.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Marketing skills in action @ the Library
One of the most fun and beautiful things that I get to do at the library are book displays. These can range from Vampires, Dogs, and even poop! Here is a small assortment of some of my greatest displays ever. Enjoy.
BASEBALL
Dr. Seuss and I happen to share a birthday. That might have contributed to the greatness of this display
The rainbow is a beautiful thing, why not show it off with all its colors.
Is there anything cuter than bunnies? Well probably, but not as cute as these.
Okay, that all for now. But the boasting will continue, promise.
BASEBALL
Dr. Seuss and I happen to share a birthday. That might have contributed to the greatness of this display
The rainbow is a beautiful thing, why not show it off with all its colors.
Is there anything cuter than bunnies? Well probably, but not as cute as these.
Okay, that all for now. But the boasting will continue, promise.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Good, The Bad, and the WTF
Many great happy, weird, and just outright ridiculous things happen in my day-to-day job at the library. Here is a list of just the few crazy happenings:
1. "Hello Girls." The Summer Reading Program is probably the greatest part of the library and also the worst time for moody librarians. The only thing that can make it great is the cute little children that visit the library to sign-up. Three cute little girls came in with their mom the other day and all signed for the SRP (this is cool library lingo for Summer Reading Program). As the left I say "Good-bye Girls!" The youngest, about four, responds, "Good-bye Girls," then quickly looks at me and corrects herself "Good-bye Boys." Mom laughs, I laugh, and little girl turns bright read. Below is my library display for the SRP:
2. "Wii bit Tired." If you are a devoted follower of this blog you have already heard about the Rodeo. Well, this was the second year for the Rodeo with one slight problem IT WAS RAINING BULLS AND SHEEP (please excuse the Rodeo reference). All in all we drove out to the Rodeo, in a storm because according to the new "It would pass in the next 15 minutes," WRONG! So it rained the Rodeo was cancelled and we were un-happy. How does one make Children/Teen Librarians happy? With two hours of Wii playing. See, we now have Wiis and a new one was purchased. Of course, we couldn't let others use it with checking to see if it works first, duh! So the after the Rodeo our afternoon consisted of Wii Sports, Mario Party, and Wii loads of fun.
3. "Bear Are Cute, Right?" We are in the 21st Century, you think most people would know how the heck to click a computer mouse and surf the net. Well, let me just give you an update THEY DON'T. I don't know how many time I have taught a mini computer class to dumb people that come in wanting to look up something or get something from the computer, WITHOUT KNOWING HOW TO USE ONE!!!" Not only this, but they don't even know the correct lingo. I mean everyone knows what a website, mouse, web page, Internet, and icon is RIGHT? Again, WRONG! Anyway, now that I have let out most of my computer-help frustrations lets get to the point of this story. One creepy weird and quite hairy (yes, earlobe hair included) man comes in with a sheet of paper with a website written on it. I look at it and is reads drillerbears. Okay I think to myself this will consist of me logging him in and directing him to this website. WRONG! It ends up that this website it a gay website that is all about bears, yes, bears. No, not cute cuddly bear (well, this depends on what you are into) BIG HAIRY GAY MEN BEARS. First of all, I don't know why this website isn't blocked, second, why is he wanting to go to it. EEEW, double eeew, gross! I help him get to the website and then he has no idea what to do. I show him how to click stuff (again, he has no idea how to use a mouse), tell him what an icon is, and have him look at the screen. The torture doesn't end there he continue to ask me question about this website for his entire hour on the computer. I almost died of frustration because he didn't know what to do on the website, he didn't know what a computer was, and finally it was the weirdest website ever.
This is getting rather long, so it will be continued in another blog post. Stay tuned...
1. "Hello Girls." The Summer Reading Program is probably the greatest part of the library and also the worst time for moody librarians. The only thing that can make it great is the cute little children that visit the library to sign-up. Three cute little girls came in with their mom the other day and all signed for the SRP (this is cool library lingo for Summer Reading Program). As the left I say "Good-bye Girls!" The youngest, about four, responds, "Good-bye Girls," then quickly looks at me and corrects herself "Good-bye Boys." Mom laughs, I laugh, and little girl turns bright read. Below is my library display for the SRP:
2. "Wii bit Tired." If you are a devoted follower of this blog you have already heard about the Rodeo. Well, this was the second year for the Rodeo with one slight problem IT WAS RAINING BULLS AND SHEEP (please excuse the Rodeo reference). All in all we drove out to the Rodeo, in a storm because according to the new "It would pass in the next 15 minutes," WRONG! So it rained the Rodeo was cancelled and we were un-happy. How does one make Children/Teen Librarians happy? With two hours of Wii playing. See, we now have Wiis and a new one was purchased. Of course, we couldn't let others use it with checking to see if it works first, duh! So the after the Rodeo our afternoon consisted of Wii Sports, Mario Party, and Wii loads of fun.
3. "Bear Are Cute, Right?" We are in the 21st Century, you think most people would know how the heck to click a computer mouse and surf the net. Well, let me just give you an update THEY DON'T. I don't know how many time I have taught a mini computer class to dumb people that come in wanting to look up something or get something from the computer, WITHOUT KNOWING HOW TO USE ONE!!!" Not only this, but they don't even know the correct lingo. I mean everyone knows what a website, mouse, web page, Internet, and icon is RIGHT? Again, WRONG! Anyway, now that I have let out most of my computer-help frustrations lets get to the point of this story. One creepy weird and quite hairy (yes, earlobe hair included) man comes in with a sheet of paper with a website written on it. I look at it and is reads drillerbears. Okay I think to myself this will consist of me logging him in and directing him to this website. WRONG! It ends up that this website it a gay website that is all about bears, yes, bears. No, not cute cuddly bear (well, this depends on what you are into) BIG HAIRY GAY MEN BEARS. First of all, I don't know why this website isn't blocked, second, why is he wanting to go to it. EEEW, double eeew, gross! I help him get to the website and then he has no idea what to do. I show him how to click stuff (again, he has no idea how to use a mouse), tell him what an icon is, and have him look at the screen. The torture doesn't end there he continue to ask me question about this website for his entire hour on the computer. I almost died of frustration because he didn't know what to do on the website, he didn't know what a computer was, and finally it was the weirdest website ever.
This is getting rather long, so it will be continued in another blog post. Stay tuned...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
CARDBOARD PLEASE
So... two really drunk guys came in and asked me for cardboard. I proceeded to tell them that I didn't have any... "Sorry about that." "You don't have to say sorry about anything!" says one drunk guys as we nods his finger and gives me a weird look. Then I became really sad thinking about what they needed the cardboard for.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Drunk Weekend
Crazy days happen all the time, but they don't always involve drunk people. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against a little drinking, but when it gets to the point where you look creepy and freak-out librarians, I begin to wonder.
The day started off okay, just the normal opening procedures: turn on the copier, check the drop box, check-in books, answer the phone, call a cab for a drunk and scary man...
Wait, that last item on the list isn't a standard library procedure, but it did happen. While sitting at the desk a middle-aged, really drunk, grunting, and looking crazy man approaches the desk. I look at him and immediately think to myself, WHY ME! I proceed with my smile and my "Hi, something I can help you with?" "TAXI!" he says along with the violent grunts, deep breathing, and angry face. "Okay, do you know the number of the cab you want to call?" Wrong choice of question, he looks around (rather confused about what I just said), "no."
At this point I am freaking out because it looks like this man is going to reach across the desk and strangle me. I calmly (by calmly I mean basically running), get the phone book and dial the number of the first ad I see. Yellow Taxi-Cab.
"Yellow Taxi Cab, how can I help"
"Yes, I would like a cab for someone"
"Where are you going?" I turn to the man and ask, again, he looks a me in the im-gonna-kill-you stare and says "East!" East what the heck does that mean, it that a direction, and hotel, a what! I tell the lady on the phone "21 and Garnett area." That is pretty east to me.
"For whom, what's the name?" WHY THE HECK ARE YOU ASKING SO MANY F-ing questions. I turn to scary man and ask, "Whats you name sir?" "SJFDKJFOIRENBV." He mumbles some name that I don't understand and I have to ask a second time. "JOSE," he yelled.
Finally, I hang up and tell him to wait outside for the taxi. He stumbles out the door and kicks it open. I look over to my co-worker, "this ain't gonna be good. Should we call the police?" "I think he will stay outside, let's just wait a while he wont come back." Yell hopeful thinking...
But come back he did and this time is was even more frightening. He just looks at me and says "TAXI?" Being the dummy I am I ask the dumbest question in the world "It hasn't come yet?" Well. obviously not. shit! I go to the back room to try and get myself together. I tell him to go back outside and I will call again. I don't call again. Okay, that should be the last of that I think to myself. NOPE! He comes back and this time screams and grunts at us "TAXI!!" We tell him that we will call again and he kicks the door again and leaves.
I pick up the phone and this time dial the police. They come and tell him he can't come back into the library. Problem solved, right? Well, yeah but the rest of the day I kept watching the door because I thought he was coming back to kill me for calling the cops. Sheesh, I almost had a heart attack.
The day started off okay, just the normal opening procedures: turn on the copier, check the drop box, check-in books, answer the phone, call a cab for a drunk and scary man...
Wait, that last item on the list isn't a standard library procedure, but it did happen. While sitting at the desk a middle-aged, really drunk, grunting, and looking crazy man approaches the desk. I look at him and immediately think to myself, WHY ME! I proceed with my smile and my "Hi, something I can help you with?" "TAXI!" he says along with the violent grunts, deep breathing, and angry face. "Okay, do you know the number of the cab you want to call?" Wrong choice of question, he looks around (rather confused about what I just said), "no."
At this point I am freaking out because it looks like this man is going to reach across the desk and strangle me. I calmly (by calmly I mean basically running), get the phone book and dial the number of the first ad I see. Yellow Taxi-Cab.
"Yellow Taxi Cab, how can I help"
"Yes, I would like a cab for someone"
"Where are you going?" I turn to the man and ask, again, he looks a me in the im-gonna-kill-you stare and says "East!" East what the heck does that mean, it that a direction, and hotel, a what! I tell the lady on the phone "21 and Garnett area." That is pretty east to me.
"For whom, what's the name?" WHY THE HECK ARE YOU ASKING SO MANY F-ing questions. I turn to scary man and ask, "Whats you name sir?" "SJFDKJFOIRENBV." He mumbles some name that I don't understand and I have to ask a second time. "JOSE," he yelled.
Finally, I hang up and tell him to wait outside for the taxi. He stumbles out the door and kicks it open. I look over to my co-worker, "this ain't gonna be good. Should we call the police?" "I think he will stay outside, let's just wait a while he wont come back." Yell hopeful thinking...
But come back he did and this time is was even more frightening. He just looks at me and says "TAXI?" Being the dummy I am I ask the dumbest question in the world "It hasn't come yet?" Well. obviously not. shit! I go to the back room to try and get myself together. I tell him to go back outside and I will call again. I don't call again. Okay, that should be the last of that I think to myself. NOPE! He comes back and this time screams and grunts at us "TAXI!!" We tell him that we will call again and he kicks the door again and leaves.
I pick up the phone and this time dial the police. They come and tell him he can't come back into the library. Problem solved, right? Well, yeah but the rest of the day I kept watching the door because I thought he was coming back to kill me for calling the cops. Sheesh, I almost had a heart attack.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
YeeHaw Buddy
Cowboys, horses, and ropes are all common things seen at the Rodeo, but what about the Library? You don't usually put on your boots and handkerchief and think "Just can't wait to see the library mascot at the rodeo t'day pa!"
In this case, little Johnny Hopkins would say that and actually be telling the truth. One summer, as the Summer Reading Program was in full swing the Library was asked to join all the hootin and hollarin at the Rodeo. Little did I know that I would get to be Buddy, the most awesome-est library mascot you have ever seen.
Little did I know that my glasses wouldn't fit inside the mascot head piece. Let it be known that I can barely see my hand in front of my face without glasses. So there I was blind-as-a-bookworm traveling up slopes and dodging horse dung in a bright green mascot outfit of a worm! The best part was yet to come. Buddy was asked to participate in the DANCE CONTEST with the kids. There is nothing like a bookworm dancing to Soulja Boy to get the Rodeo started. The only problem was that I decided to wear black shorts over the green tights the costume required, bad idea! As the break dancing continued and lots of wiggling and waddling buddy's underwear (black shorts) were showing! I didn't realize at the time why all the adults kept laughing at me. Yikes, what a naughty little worm to be showing his delegates in a crowd of little kids. Well the dance competition ended and it was off to the tattoo table.
Kids ask too many questions! What are you? (a bookworm. duh!). What's your name? (Buddy, Hello its only posted on the back of my shirt). Can you talk? (obviously not, cause I'm just nodding!). How old are you? (I'm NOT real)GIVE ME FIVE, GIVE ME A HUG, I LOVE BUDDY, how much more could I take. Not to mention the pulling my bottom half (worms don't really have tails), punching, and heat. Then danger struck again. My bosses thought it was a good idea for buddy to wear and over sized red cowboy hat. Not a good idea, it didn't fit on Buddy's head and was hung off my back. We have already established the Buddy doesn't talk... So, what does one do when the over sized hat is choking the actual person inside the suit? Scream? NO! Die? Possible? Tap boss on shoulder? Is ignored! In the end the international sign of choking works and Buddy is free of the hat. Whew, I though I was going to die.
After the long day of being a bookworm it was back to the desk and my outstanding performance lead to many more Buddy appearances. They are always enjoyable, except when you make babies cry. Well, I guess that is enjoyable too. No. No.
In this case, little Johnny Hopkins would say that and actually be telling the truth. One summer, as the Summer Reading Program was in full swing the Library was asked to join all the hootin and hollarin at the Rodeo. Little did I know that I would get to be Buddy, the most awesome-est library mascot you have ever seen.
Little did I know that my glasses wouldn't fit inside the mascot head piece. Let it be known that I can barely see my hand in front of my face without glasses. So there I was blind-as-a-bookworm traveling up slopes and dodging horse dung in a bright green mascot outfit of a worm! The best part was yet to come. Buddy was asked to participate in the DANCE CONTEST with the kids. There is nothing like a bookworm dancing to Soulja Boy to get the Rodeo started. The only problem was that I decided to wear black shorts over the green tights the costume required, bad idea! As the break dancing continued and lots of wiggling and waddling buddy's underwear (black shorts) were showing! I didn't realize at the time why all the adults kept laughing at me. Yikes, what a naughty little worm to be showing his delegates in a crowd of little kids. Well the dance competition ended and it was off to the tattoo table.
Kids ask too many questions! What are you? (a bookworm. duh!). What's your name? (Buddy, Hello its only posted on the back of my shirt). Can you talk? (obviously not, cause I'm just nodding!). How old are you? (I'm NOT real)GIVE ME FIVE, GIVE ME A HUG, I LOVE BUDDY, how much more could I take. Not to mention the pulling my bottom half (worms don't really have tails), punching, and heat. Then danger struck again. My bosses thought it was a good idea for buddy to wear and over sized red cowboy hat. Not a good idea, it didn't fit on Buddy's head and was hung off my back. We have already established the Buddy doesn't talk... So, what does one do when the over sized hat is choking the actual person inside the suit? Scream? NO! Die? Possible? Tap boss on shoulder? Is ignored! In the end the international sign of choking works and Buddy is free of the hat. Whew, I though I was going to die.
After the long day of being a bookworm it was back to the desk and my outstanding performance lead to many more Buddy appearances. They are always enjoyable, except when you make babies cry. Well, I guess that is enjoyable too. No. No.
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