What type of patron are you?

I-know-more-than-my-librarian type:
This is the type of patron that thinks they know what every title of every books ever written is. Not only do they know the title but the author, cover of the book, series name, and anything related to the book. From time to time I come across this type of ANNOYING patron because they just come up to the desk to show off. "I'm looking for that book by James Patterson about the man who is a detective. I believe (this is where they try to be modest - "I believe") the title is blah blah blah, published in blah, oh and... "Did I mention I have read all the previous books and that they are my favorite and that they are awesome and that I know more about the books than you...

Warning-before-asking type of patron:
"Can you help me with my computer?"
"Sure, what did you need help with?"
"I need help sending an email - but I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS!"
Well shit, this is probably the most terrifying thing you can hear from a patron because this indicates three things. One, they have never used a computer before and probably don't know what email even is. Two, they expect you to do all the work for them. Three, they will probably be really annoying and want you to spend 30 minutes with them explaining EVERYTHING step-by-step.

Linger-around-the-desk type of patron:
Why are you in the Library? This is probably the main question I ask myself when this type of patron is around. Do you really have nothing better to do than linger around the desk and ask me annoying questions. Oh and did I mention that they usually like to be around when I am helping other people and ask them question while they check-out. This patron likes to fill their time by asking question such as "Do you have this CD?" "Where did you go to school?" "Do you like dogs?" Sometimes I ignore them and tell them to find a seat, but when I am bored from time to time I will actually play their little game - MISTAKE! This only leads for their questions to get dumber and dumber and then I want to bite their heads off.

I-forget-my-library-card-every-day type of patron:
I absolutely can't stand this type of person. Probably because they are always some dumb teenager that thinks because they are a teen they are 'too cool' to carry their card. Each conversation usually goes like this --
"Are you ready to check-out?"
"Yup (notice the rudeness already), but I don't have my card"
"Do you have an ID with you or anything (useless question because I know they don't carry and ID or anything with their name on it.)?"
"Nah, can't you just look up my name?" (Well, yes dummy, but that is against the rules! Privacy reasons, I dunno. There is a reason we give you a card - SO THAT YOU CAN BRING IT! DO YOU JUST GO TO THE BANK AND ASK TO WITHDRAW MONEY WITH OUT ANY KIND OF ID? I would like 1 billion dollars please? Okay sir what is your name? - WRONG!) Okay, that is enough of this. Usually I will just look up their name or if I'm feeling extra bitchy that day I will tell them they can't checkout!

...to be continued!